Lockdown lexicon - new words for our times
Following my last serious(ish) post on language use in these unusual times, it’s time for some silliness.
Our rapidly changing world has outpaced the English language, so I thought I’d help out with some new words and phrases. I’d love to hear your suggestions.
The list in progress
blanket ban (n) prohibition of picnics
brag-ground (n) carefully curated backdrop to show-off wealth/taste during a video call. “She managed to get the swimming pool and some Tolstoy into her brag-ground.”
camera obscura (n) inability to switch on the camera in a video call esp by the over-sixties. “Granny suffers from terrible camera obscura.”
coronavirarse (n) 1. gluteal weight gain due to inactivity and boredom-eating during lockdown. 2. idiot posting pandemic conspiracy theories on Facebook see also covidiot
frapas (n): abbrev Freezer Tapas - meal comprising random frozen items, typically enjoyed the evening before an online food delivery
furlough can you go? (phrase) question asked of persons still in their pyjamas at 4pm
flour power (n) smugness at having nabbed the last 1 kg bag of self-raising in Sainsbury’s
force Midge-Ure (n) 1. dusting down (and loud playing) of old record collection by partner during lockdown “I was trying to work, but he unleashed a force Midge-Ure” 2. (n) saccharine YouTube singalong by a group of celebrities “Gal Gadot’s Imagine video was a force Midge-Ure to be reckoned with”.
grayscale (n) 1. setting to save ink while printing a forest’s worth of home-school material. 2. Deviation of hair colour from pre-lockdown hues
impending Zoom (n) regret at having committed to online drinks when you’d rather be watching The Tiger King
lockclown (n) friend who insists on flooding your WhatsApp group with pandemic-related memes
magnum nopus (n) refusal to write a novel or master a new skill during lockdown. “Write a book or paint a masterpiece? That’s a magnum nopus from me, Gwyneth”
metre reading (n) surreptitious evaluation of whether approaching pedestrian is approved 2m away, typically followed by diving into a bush or into a line of heavy traffic (final metre reading)
quaranteen (n) person displaying unpredictable mood swings and self-centred behaviour during lockdown. “His office is a mess and there are empty bottles of tonic water in the fridge; I’m living with a quaranteen.”
slap for carers (n) the application of make-up for your weekly ‘night-out’ to applaud the NHS. See also clapsule wardrobe
short back and sighs (n) poorly executed home haircut “We followed the YouTube tutorial to the letter, but still ended up with a short back and sighs.”
wicks sweat (vb) 1. draws moisture from body, as seen in modern technical fabrics. 2. (n) perspiration experienced by middle-aged parents following #PEWithJoe
zoom groom (n) cursory check for rogue facial hair/teeth spinach before video call